I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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