either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
