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I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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