had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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