Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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