is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
