At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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