I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
