It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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