i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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