Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
