i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
