My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
