Pappa wants mamma naked
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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