I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
