1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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