A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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