She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
