From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
