I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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