We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
