i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
