So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
