Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
