I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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