your parents love me but you hate me
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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