So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
