This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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