I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
God I need to hump something, right now.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
