turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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