Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Randomize
