the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
