you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
This house was built for laser tag.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
