This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
