he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
