He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
