Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
