I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
