Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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