i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
