I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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