Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
