we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
