I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
