I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
