ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize