I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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