Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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