I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
