So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
