no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
