i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
