youre lurking in front of me
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
