Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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