i can't believe i had my finger in that
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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