I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
