I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
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and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
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And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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