I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
