We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well I just put wine in my tea
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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