i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
