she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
