uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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