You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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