i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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