Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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