Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
