I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
