i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
