Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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