why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
