Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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