I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
