yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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