I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just invented taco cereal.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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