Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more

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(604): View more from British Columbia

there's paper in my vomit.

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(541): View more from Oregon

you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?

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(425): View more from Washington

I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...

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(908): View more from New Jersey

We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow

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(301): View more from Maryland

Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.

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(303): View more from Colorado

It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.

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(815): View more from Illinois

I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...

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